I was born in India, were I lived in a joint family, twenty-six members in a small house. The atmosphere was full with mutual wrangling and bickering. Though occasionally there came puffs of spring breeze, but I remained in the state of fear. I laid in the gorge of reflections and groped in the dark for a beautiful and calm ambience having an aroma of affection and the sense of kinship. However I ever remained conscious of fear from my mother’s side and cold indifference from my father.
The misdeeds of others recoiled on my head and I never complained of it. I was punished for others misdeed despite my innocence. Physically I remained a victim of disease, and mentally fell a victim to depression. I married in 1979 and in 1980 I arrived to Canada.
Here I felt freedom however it took me two years to get rid of my mother’s fears. I was now in the atmosphere of peace and comfort. My material life remained comfortable and the company of children enjoyable; still I felt some discomfort within myself. My search took the shape of melancholy in which I was suffocated by pain and helplessness.
I had no sense of satisfaction in the day or at night, but was mentally perturbed and wept to think of what I wanted and what I liked.
In the year of 1999, very critical type of depression overwhelmed me when the doctor said, “Rose, you have spent your whole life in the state of depression.” This remark simply stunned me. When the doctor stated that I should check into a hospital, something inside woke up, and this was my life in which I didn’t accepted the fact of my mental sickness.
I asked the doctor for six months to personally test and examine myself. I covered the windows with black curtains for I felt uneasy in light. I next balanced my head and was attacked by migraine. I felt suffocated in the presence of everyone. In six months the whole atmosphere changed. I went to my psychologist again and he couldn’t make out what I felt. But I fully understood not only myself, but even the psychologist. During the six months I so radically changed that my whole life transformed.
I felt as though the past was a mere dream and I had wake up. What had passed was only the body, I had my spiritual awakening,
There was an uncommon difference between the day gone by and the next day. I had become simply a symbolic of wonder and surprise. Why so? Further exploration brought me closer and still closer to myself. This self exploration has brought me relief. So far besides the creation of ten books, poems and songs, various feeling and perceptions of life engulfed me. It made me inquire the nature of the world, the universe. It impelled me to think over what we were, about the difference between science, religion, and God. This self exploration familiarizes me with Jesus, Krishna,Muhammad, Buddha, Newton, Einstein, and Darwin. From the perusal of these great ones I feel that the world is a mere path, nature is our means of knowledge, universe is our temple, and God is our destination. Human besides travelers are nothing else. The mind is a priest, the intellect is our Guru, and our tendency is a provider that makes us artists and places us upon the stage of the world.
Today I have transcended all thoughts and ratiocination, free from helplessness and suffocation and despair. There is a beautiful self emanation in me which recount the tipsy state of my freedom.
For we can understand life only when we first understand death. When life enfolds death, the individual has a festive experience with converts his into an artist. This is the real story of life, this is the art of living, that lands humans to competition.