“`Journey Through My Personality

50751633“`Nature or Temperament—the most important part of Life, the most essential part of Life, is to make life explicit. The importance of Life is due to this temperament.
The first link – in my Temperament was my Stubbornness
This stubbornness was neither harmful to anybody nor useful, but it stood by me in good stead, even in my wrong steps.
I have always done what I liked. Even in the conjunction of some rare moments, I have never followed the desires of others. For me, the most important thing is the guidance of my ‘why’ and how I act upon it. I have a Beautiful aspect of my temperament, which keeps me miles away from partiality.
I was, at one time, well impressed with the lifestyle, nature, or temperament of a speaker and not at the relationship with that person. I could never become a part of anybody’s hauteur, envy, selfishness, and foolishness. At that time, I was not aware of my ‘why’, probably because I was lost in a thick fog. Perhaps the activities of my mind were an indication of this ‘why’ in me. In that part of my life, that has now passed, my ‘why’ applied to itself the label of stubbornness.
For me today, the most influential person was my revered father. But during his last moments I did not obey him. My father was a man of ‘Satu-gunas,’ a man of action, a man practicing asceticism. His existence carried so much importance for me, which I can’t explain. However, his virtues were ill balanced. In order to acquire his virtues, I needed the watchman-ship of knowledge. I lacked the present moments; therefore, I could not understand him. But my ‘why’ understood his virtues. So his hesitancy, reserve, first preference for others, even though they might be wrong—always incurred my disapproval. This was the most critical moment of his Satvik journey of Life that he could not call even a bad person bad. This state of his mind suggested to me some elements of servitude, settled deep at the depth of his being. His servitude, even though Satvik, became for me only Freedom and still more Freedom. To reject my father, was for me, the rejection of the world. His death was the Death of a daughter—the Death of a daughter’s world! His cancer became for me the consciousness of seeing a bigger world!
But his pilgrimage of Life, which involved recognizing all relationships, left me a non-pilgrim; it became a milestone for me in my spiritual quest to know myself. For my ‘why’ having watched his life, stuck this poster to the four-walls of my life—that:
Relationships should not be taken in the sense of so many restraints, but as opportunities for mutual cooperation.
So breaking these restraints awards me the badge of stubbornness.

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The second link – Frankness or Candour
Whatever you like, you like; whatever you don’t like, you don’t
Whatever you love, is Love; whatever you hate, is Hate
In short, whatever is in your mind, should be on your lips; there should be no concealment, no formality, or artificiality. This frankness proves both useful and harmful, encouraging and elevating, as well as depressing and degrading. Whatever loss I sustain is in the social and worldly spheres. I cannot succeed in the class which consists of businesspersons or materialists. However, what I call unsuccessful is taken by my ‘why’ in the sense of successfulness. Still my body and mind fall victim to depression and despair, and my ‘why’, the queen, raises its eyebrows mischievously at the instigation of ‘why’ itself.
As for gain, there is plenty of gain. All becomes acquaint with my temperament. For many people, I am rude, outspoken, rough of expression, and foolish, but on the mental plain, those who have unique distinctions become my friends. My candour acts as a sieve, leading to the purification of my life. But this ‘why’ honours this plain-speaking of mine with the title of ‘honesty’, and perhaps by exhorting me in this way, wants to transport me to the state of perfection.

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The third link – Mutability
In every sphere, in every direction, the demand for novelty was so great that most Beautiful aspects of Life fell into abeyance. However, I never felt their want nor showed any regret, but ever remained conscious about them.
I could not say what I wanted but this want did not sit still in me.
Today, I know what that want or longing is. I was worried to think of my inner imperfection or deficiency, my inner hollowness stung me. This imperfection and hollowness always wanted some newness or novelty in my life. To make room for the new, the old one had to be said adieu. So this change went on at full speed in every field of my life. As soon as a thing changed, my thoughts underwent a change, and at once, I underwent a change. Might it be taken for my promise.
Whatever I had promised to do, whether to myself or to others, I could never accomplish, simply went back on my word. Then how could anybody trust me, and my friendship?
It was my ‘why’ that persuaded me to share all my infirmities with others, before they shared theirs with me.
Then nearly ninety percent of my problems were solved. This habit of undergoing change after change converted my life into a cataract. That Life which was conscious of the conglomeration of all thoughts, actions, virtues, vices, and other mental states, kept ever flowing and followed its own moods and caprices.
For—I saw the promise-keeping persons, who, for the fulfillment of our ordinary promise, wasted the major parts of their life, but what did they get in return?—Only bravo!
I saw no changing persons who stuck to their rites and rituals. Their Life ultimately ended and their bodies were cremated, but those rites and rituals survived and even strutted about. Why did they do all this? Only to win the title of ‘goodness’! I also saw the religious fanatics, who ever endeavoured to prove ‘persistence-incarnates’ but could not raise in their lives a single fragrant flower: no Beautiful flower grew in them. They were swayed by a trivial consolation, that:
They were religious minded!
In short, my ‘why’ by vitalizing all aspects of virtue and vice, right and wrong, pushed on the flow of Life by the idea that they all constituted the utility of life and nothing else. That whatever was inane, only that was perfect. All else, these virtues and vices, rights and wrongs, and world’s religions—were based on our life; Life was based on thirst, thirst on desires. They did not have their own ‘existence’; their ‘existence’ depended on desires and wishes. Keep this view, O Rose:
One person can learn nothing from virtues while another can get the quintessence of truth even from vices.

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The fourth link – Positive thinking, Positive tendency
From my early life, I saw and realized that I did not take any situation, event, or temperament in the negative sense. I remained positive in whatever befell me. If there was anything negative in my environment, I took it in the positive sense, with the desire to live a positive life.
If my mother beat me, I would see if I could beat my children. I peeped into its depth, and found the answer: I would never do it.
Envy and jealously—all around—nearly suffocated me. So how could I do the same to others?
If I ever showed some negligence or some other drawback in my conduct, I would make it a lesson for myself.
If some other person committed a fault, I would learn from their mistakes. Why and how was this taking place? I do not know, but it was actually happening. I never proved successful even in the promises made to myself. For example:
At night before going to bed, I promised to rise early the next morning and be the first to do religious recital. As the morning came, I got up from the smell of sweet, fragrant tea. After having the morning tea, if someone suggested that we should go out for a walk, I would readily agree. On my return, I was attracted by play and games. Now again came the time to sleep, and then, a mysterious, secretive smile would come over my lips and put me to sleep, by covering me with the pall of carelessness! No argument, it all happened as a matter of fact.
Some classmate of mine would scold, abuse, or laugh at me and then no longer remaining on speaking terms with me.
A few days later, she would express a desire to again be on speaking terms with me. If I came to know of her desire, I would not disclose to her that I knew her mind, but under some excuse, I would go to her, inquire of her well being, and make peace with her again. Thus, I fulfilled her desire. Why?
Perhaps I could not bear to see anybody in the state of mental confusion of suffocation or helplessness.
Perhaps my own helplessness and mental suffocation enabled me to realize the confusion of others.
Perhaps it was a deep, positive mental state.
Such trifling things, pertaining to my school and home atmosphere, would direct the flow of my life in new directions. My mode of thought sought after truth, not only from the right and true things, but also out of the wrong and untrue things; it searched for virtues, not only in the virtuous, but also in the vicious temperaments as well. It was not my mode of thinking, but the mode of thinking of some other being deeply embedded within me. Perhaps this very reflectiveness came to a halt at the sight of:
Changing seasons
Passing times
Wading through water
The stream of reasoning
Decaying human physiques
This halt or pause becomes a beautiful encampment, then ‘why’ comes again and sticks a label saying:
“If you wish to see Beauty
Understand Life
Know your own ‘self’
Then all you need are the brakes, not speed
Not a car, but spiritual thirst”
Desires
If I peep within, I find in my life, a long list of desires
Are desires themselves Life?
Or
Is life a conglomeration of desires?
Sometimes a trifling desire has to cover a long distance of years, to get fulfillment or a draught of satisfaction. When I think back to my desires, they were only at the mental level. They had no physical or social content. I had absolutely no desire for hearth and home, good clothes, wealth and affluence, jewelery and ornaments; I remained confined to a caravan of feelings and sentiments.
Perhaps my present start of life began at the mental level. Material goods did satisfy my physical needs, but my objects of attraction remained beauty, my own ‘self’, truth, and happiness.

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I remember those moments of my wedding: People: “Bare, unadorned ears do not look nice, put on your ornaments”
Rose: …
People: “Apply some light lipstick to your lips”
Rose: “Why? Why should I do that?”
People: “Your lips will look beautiful then.”
Rose: “Then apply lipsticks to your own self, please.”
People: “Wear an embroidered suit.”
Rose: “Why?”
People: “It is a wedding, you will look more beautiful in it.”
Rose: “Is it my wedding or the suit’s wedding?”
What was I doing? What was I saying? Even I was not conscious of it. Perhaps my search was at some other level. This frankness saved me from narrow-minded and materialistic people. Whatever took place at the physical level and the social level, happened because of some inclination of mine. However, the intensity of my demands was soon going to take me to some other direction. I wished, for example:
All should form one family
All should be happy
All should enjoy freedom
All should be free from worries, anxieties, helplessness and despair.
It was possible only if, I was prepared to face depression in the attempt.
My wish expressed for others’ welfare, was in fact my wish for my own well being.
My desire to Love all was an expression of self-Love.
My desire for universal Freedom was, in fact, an expression of my own servitude of some kind.
My longing for general happiness was, in fact, pain of my own helplessness and despair.
These desires of mine brought the advent of spring—they ultimately discovered freedom, love, and happiness.
You see this expansion of my life was possible only on the axle of my desires. The destination of Life depends on the mood of the wayfarer, on the fact of which path is adopted. Perhaps the desire to remove imperfections becomes the starting point of leading a righteous and immaculate Life. An account of the fulfillment of this desire cannot be given in the language of emotions and passions.
This desire, at first, brought me failure at the external plane. Though I ask, did it really bring me failure? This failure, in fact, looks like success; for this failure is a degree of understanding Life.

Sunrise, Tanner Banks
My ‘why’ now opens some other pages, of my desires and wishes.
How can I become infinite and boundless in the world, when the world itself is controlled by limits?
How can I spread my wings of oneness with others, when they are all confined to the cages of their egos, or narrow selves?
How will anyone understand my feeling of human love, when everyone is engaged in meeting the demands of their selfish narrow self?
In this way, the sense of failure is depressing. However, today the weather has changed, as has my mode of thought, and profundity has come into my being.
If we cannot make the world a single house, at least we can realize our oneness with all.
For if another person’s house is not ‘mine’, I, on my part, can feel my oneness with them.
If all others are confined to the narrow cages of ‘yours’ and ‘ours’, at least I am not one of them. Then for me, they all become ‘mine’.
These considerations remove my tremor of imperfection. The feelings I cherish about others contain feelings regarding myself, and they bring me back from others to myself again. Even in this good feeling there is servitude—a limit, a remoteness, for ‘why’ is saying:
“Goodness is also a limit and by renouncing it one can flow in the easy flux of Life.”

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“`The Valley of Heart

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“` My SOUL, A Mountain of Creation where upon its feet lays The Valley of HEART, absorbing The flow of LOVE…
= Then:
—I would say Home is where LOVE is, and LOVE is in Every Spec…
— The Home is The best Guru-kul for Person…
— Where we LOVE is Home…
“` Make a home for our own self- our own Heart. We’ll find what we need to furnish it – Love, Happiness, freedom, peace, Prayer and friends. We can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with us wherever We journey.

“`Because we are from Energy, not for Energy— ‘part two’

13524572_10209747785677409_1594227516641621449_n“`O beings, Before reading these words please understand that i have not been educated in any intinstitution or organized spiritual retreat.My life journey is my knowledge of Science and Dharma.The being Who knows the principles of life and recognizes the wisdom.That particular being will never say that he/she does not believe in such. If i say today i do not believe in science than i would have to question my-self , ” Have i become Einstein”? but on the otherhand, if Einstein says, ” I do not believe in science”, then being should believe because he is learned being. If Krishna was present at this moment and says,” There is no god” , then the human being would have to pay attention. Do we know difference between trust and belief ?

13501551_10209715720235793_916081019465817082_nO beings, I only write from the core of my being, but never about my sivlings or any other being in my life. So if my experince of my journey gives me the knowledge to say there is God then there is God; but if my experinces shows me the science is my guru then i will have to acknowledge the same. If one should queston why a human being has two eyes and one mouth, why not two mouth, “Is there explanation for this question?” If we don’t acknowledge experince of life, then there is some paralytic energy in us. Total energy is consistant of partial and full theory, but matter is partialy theory. So let us not trust anything or anyone, then should be not trust our own being? Then, why would not i trust every parts of living, when…..

= My illiteracy made me literate

=My non-charactor charaterised my being

=My foolness give a birth to my inner child

=My love made my life the guru of my-self

=And the whole creation became my God Whether we believe or not that we are from energy,not for energy, because if illiteracy can teach literacy then it can only be explained as Energy.

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Then this energy can not be theorized as i expierenced it. I hope my love for humanity will take you towards the journey of finding peace.

“`Because we are from Energy, not for Energy—‘Part One’

13450151_10153576899732201_1077805867474593224_n“`So what if technology is at the peak in this century, but have we ever understood what technology is?Is it technology vast then the human being? If one asks the intellectuals if they believe in God ; the reply will be that they trust science. With my experience, i have learnt that visiting Temple—Churches—Mosques–one does not the become Jesus–Krishna–or Nanak. or trusting only science have become einstein–or–Darwin. Why? Because we trust in theory but we don’t experience it. What is science? Science is best knowledge to educate the matter,with what we can learn about life.Science can explain the being thru object. then what is religion? Nothing but knowledge of energy and the matter is subject. Subject or object are both energy. I remember when i was soul searching. This search took me towards death.I attened every funeral for three month.The three months educated me every string of death.Now i can not prove this theory thru atoms, but feeling one’s energy i can smell death. I can feel differents between life energy and death’s energy, but can not theorize it.As long as we theirize formulas that only becomes matter.As electron can be proven as matter, but energy can be only felt.

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What is telephone and what is telepathy? Telephone is an object. Object can be made useful by everyone. because telephone is compilation of matter. Telepathy is subject.Subject is within and only can be felt be the being.To know the subject one has to become the subject. Science is my guru; because science has shown me what human being is capable of.Althuogh science was my guru but when i gaze at the same from the core of my being the question arises can i measure the same. Because that point of circumference,where the point becomes finite thru infinite can not be measured.The experience that can not be measured or explained can only be lived or experienced. because we are from energy not for energy. so religion and science are because of us and for us, because beings are product of energy and religion and science were given the shape thru human beings.

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I am not educated by any institution.But i know the source of my being and the future of my being. Experiencing birth and death can not be proven in a tube in a lab or can be proved in any place of organized religion.So the knowledge of journey of human beings is the science and religion.

“`I Know about my Love for death

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“` I feel I am walking into a DEATH always, because I LOVE Death…
WHY???
I do not know.
My Life Journey is always Death’s Journey
I am alone, in death.
My experience of my existence is all there is, and this existence is the presence of death itself. The awareness now is aloneness—a peaceful, pure aloneness.
Within this beauty, I love only the GOD
Then:
I know about my Love for DEATH…

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* Death of striving, death of seeking, even for the goal, brings the energy of real life to its fullest BLOOM.
The more WE accept the more WE die, and the more alive WE are. Total acceptance, with the entirety of our own being, is complete death…>…>>>

“`I still gaze at the smile which is within the lips

= The womb of stilled and deep Silence, in which the glimpse of sound takes place
= The stilled i-ness in deep silence creates the feeling, in which I-ness disappears and the infinite sound plays the veena
= The soft breaths in silence, cuts thru bones and makes waves through in infinite
= In silence the recognition of silence, Passes thru time eminates lightened silence
This state of stillness is in stillness, is there any stillness after this particular in stillness, any other dimension, any type of life?

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Since child all these words, saint- sage- guru- wisdom-meditation- religion were inner taste of my being. My despair became sigh and cut thru my bone but with deep breaths it would bow a seed in silence, to flourish such results that my being acknowledged 26 years later.My deep thought longed for the journey but in everyday life was longing as a question in search of an answer, evolved in depression, seasons changed – years passed but seeds of my thought did not flourish. In deep death of despair desperation, I was gazing at my being and worldly affairs, then all of a sudden;
The seed began to flourish within the procedure of flourish seed. I gazed at the new-born Rose. Now this new being asked:
– Is religion only at sacred places?
= no !
– Does one can only find nectar at only sacred places?
= no!
– What is religion?
= Self-realization
Who ever becomes self realized being, that being becomes saint and sage.

Secret spot with small perfect waves and  nobody around.

I became aware that my being became ignorant of such words. Then meditation began. My thought of 26 years were my meditation. These thoughts disappeared my anxiety-helplessness-despair-incapability and prisonment.
Then are these 26 years not comprising of ascetic?
Was this journey of self-realization, Was not Mantras?
-What was I before?
= only despair
-Then, What did I become?
= Ascetical being
-Who am I now?
=( what a question that being asks, Wow), but this being must answer.!!!—hhuuunnnnn—–!
Am I a learned being—-no!
Then, Am I not aware?—–not really
Then, Who am I ?
Just Smile!
Why?
When I gaze at my being in deep sleep all I find is smiling physique.
Now I question Rose is knowledge important or meditation needed? Then Rose inner eye gives a quite and carefree smile. Then my being asks with inkling,
“what is enlightenment?”
( wonderstruck) Rose’s being is little disturbed by this amazing question? My being does not want to portray it in speech faculty. But still answers that I do not know what Krishna-Buddha—Jesus called Enlightenment?
All I know is this that my being’s womb engulfs this all creation, although I am serene in my on environment. In my deep thrust I still gaze at the smile which is within the lips—the free style action in my eyes—music in walking—dance in sitting and standing—and food became sacred. But my being still has longing to devour the creation.
Then this does not sound like silence?
Silence is desires-thoughts-battle and ‘me and mine’-‘you and yours’. This silence gives birth to awareness, with comes the changes in human being. This total awareness gazes at the creation. This silence becomes the death of Ego. In this dimension the being becomes totally art.
In other words:
Enlightenment is to recognize the emptiness in the sphere.
Now in other words:
When I-ness becomes nothingness that nothingness is within the I-ness, this experience of be experiencer, recognizes,realizes, feels, knows and accepts is enlightenment.
When the being becomes totally aware of inner being, until the being is in its physical being, the surrounding of such being would be independent—carefree—happy. This particular being’s life would not be recognized by human’s naked eye.
– Then, after the physical death of such being will there be life?
= for sure!
– Every spec of this creation must be enlightened, when total enlightenment takes place, the life will remain as is.
– So beings, is Krishna alive this moment?
= yes!
– How?
= If any being in any shape or being has awareness and longing for Krishna, is Krishna.
– Then, who does not believe in Krishna?
= all human beings don’t believe in God.
– Who does not even know about Krishna?
= Does a being know itself?
Rose reply made the being capable of knowing bliss.
-Will the being ever take birth as Krishna?
= When the inner being experiences total awareness, in which Krishna consciousness is present; this presence will amalgamate within the awareness, the energy created in this procedure is Krishna.
– Then this state of creation is how long?
= This is infinite and boundless.
– The moral is this creation will never end?
= no !

– Then will this world end?
= yes, world is the creation, not the creator.
– Then, what is the point of Moksha?
= This is probably how an animal thinks about human beings

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Rose walked away without gazing at my being, only sound was heard.
“One should only eat as much as can be digested”
Because my inner being was still thirsty for wisdom, because this is my journey to know my capacity. Rose’s total awareness and carefree emotion filled me with total pure love.

“`What am I and what is my self-respect?

self-respect-1203169164293791-2-thumbnail-4This is a popular word on the lips of cultured people and very specially used.
I spent my life in this word, but I never used it. If someone rejected or spurned me, I never visited them a second time. If life rejected or affronted these people, I sided with them. How a statement was made was more important for me then why it was made. Why it was made had no effect on me. People around me would say, “She is mad. She follows blindly those who insult her. She has no self-respect.”
Their words of insult and humiliation would direct me towards them. How could I pay any heed to this word? This word that sits couched in a sweet garb was in no capacity to stem the flow of my feelings.
What am I and what is my self-respect?

Others’ indifference towards us awakens our sense of self-respect. If we show indifference to our personal life, why will this sense not wake up? My feelings do not stand in need of any word, nor is my life in need of any rebuke or censure. How can a life that is under the confinement of words, honour and praise anybody? These words determine the limits of life. How can we feel proud of this line of demarcation?
My ‘self’ is mine and it safeguards my feelings and emotions. Credit goes to it because it realizes the twinges of others; even though, the other fellows are the same to who insulted them. For what it was then in no longer now, and what I am now, I was not then. This is my self-respect, which is quite valuable for my ‘self’.